Nearly six in 10 Americans are uncomfortable discussing finances with a partner
Nearly six in 10 Americans say theyve felt scared or embarrassed discussing finances with a partner, while 11% admit to keeping a bank account secret.
Money worries are delaying major life decisions, as 75% say finances have caused them to postpone at least one milestone.
Couples dont have to agree on every money decision, but shared goals, spending rules, and regular conversations can help.
You might know your partner's favorite restaurant, Netflix password, and exact coffee order. But do you know how much debt they have?
TD Bank's 2026 Love & Money Survey found 59% of Americans have felt scared or embarrassed, at least occasionally, to openly discuss their finances with a partner.
Meanwhile, 11% admit keeping a bank account hidden from those closest to them, and 75% say their finances have caused them to delay at least one major life milestone.
ConsumerAffairs talked with Marc Womack, Head of Client Experience, Strategy & Governance at TD Bank U.S., about what these numbers mean, and more importantly, what couples can actually do to keep money from becoming a constant source of conflict.
His advice starts with something surprisingly simple: Don't make your first conversation about what someone did wrong.
1. Don't start the conversation with "What did you buy?"
If your first serious money conversation starts immediately after discovering a $400 credit card charge, you're already playing from behind.
Womack recommends starting with something both people want rather than something one person did wrong.
"Rather than starting with spending habits or financial challenges, it can be helpful to start with a shared objective," he told ConsumerAffairs.
Try a question such as: "What are we working toward?" Or: "What would make us feel more confident about our financial future?"
Maybe it's eliminating $10,000 in credit card debt. Or perhaps you want $20,000 available for a home down payment. Or you simply want enough emergency savings that a broken transmission doesn't end up on a credit card.
Once you've agreed on what you want, decisions about spending and saving become less about one partner keeping track of the other's spending.
Pro tip: Have a 20-minute monthly "money date." Check your account balances, upcoming large expenses, and progress toward one shared goal. By keeping it short, and routine, you can prevent every financial discussion from becoming a major event.
2. Separate financial independence from financial secrecy
Couples don't necessarily need to combine every dollar they earn. Womack says many relationships work perfectly well with some financial independence. The problem begins when independence becomes concealment.
"The distinction often comes down to transparency and shared expectations," he said.
Debt obligations, significant purchases, and accounts that could affect shared financial goals shouldn't come as surprises. That doesn't mean your spouse needs permission every time you buy lunch. Instead, couples can establish their own financial "disclosure line."
For example, you might agree that purchases under $200 don't require a discussion, while larger purchases do. Or each person could receive a certain amount of guilt-free spending money every month.
The exact rule matters less than both people knowing what it is.
Pro tip: Once a year, exchange financial snapshots. Each person should know the household's major account balances, debts, minimum payments, insurance policies, and recurring obligations. You don't need identical spending habits, but you should both understand the household balance sheet.
3. Don't let "we can't afford it yet" become "we'll never do it"
One of the survey's biggest findings involves decisions that extend far beyond the monthly budget. Three-quarters of Americans said they've delayed at least one major life milestone because of their finances. That could include buying a home, getting married, or having children.
Sometimes waiting is absolutely the responsible financial decision. But there's a difference between delaying something because you've run the numbers, and delaying indefinitely because money makes you anxious.
"Delaying a goal doesn't necessarily mean abandoning it," Womack said.
He recommends grounding those decisions in your actual circumstances, priorities, and long-term goals rather than reacting solely to fear or uncertainty.
Turn "We can't afford a house" into something measurable: "We want $40,000 saved for a down payment and emergency fund, and we're currently at $23,000."
By thinking of it this way, you no longer have an indefinite delay. Instead, you have a $17,000 problem you can actually build a plan around.
Pro tip: Give delayed goals a "revisit date." If you've postponed buying a home, having a wedding, or making another major move, put a date six months from now on your calendar to rerun the numbers. Otherwise, temporary financial caution can quietly turn into years of waiting.
4. You don't have to agree about money but you need rules
One partner is a saver. The other thinks memories are more important than money sitting in a savings account. That doesn't necessarily make you financially incompatible.
Womack says compatibility isn't about having identical attitudes toward money. "It's about creating alignment around shared goals and expectations," he said.
He recommends three basic practices:
Establish common goals.
Make financial conversations routine.
Be transparent about major financial decisions.
That last point is especially important when money gets tight. If couples only discuss finances when the credit card is maxed out or an unexpected bill arrives, money naturally becomes associated with stress. Routine conversations can make it considerably less emotionally charged.
There's another reason to establish expectations early. The TD survey found 41% of Americans consider it very important that a partner be financially stable and capable of helping support the household if necessary.
Financial compatibility increasingly appears to be part of relationship compatibility.
Try the five-question money test tonight
You don't need a spreadsheet or financial adviser to figure out whether you and your partner are on the same financial page.
Sit down separately and answer these five questions:
How much emergency savings should we have?
What's our biggest financial goal for the next two years?
How much debt do we currently have?
How large can a purchase be before we should discuss it with each other?
What's one thing we're currently delaying because of money?
Then compare your answers.
The objective isn't to get five perfect matches. It's to discover the spots where you're operating under completely different assumptions.
Because the most dangerous money problem in a relationship may not be spending too much it may be never talking about it at all.
Posted: 2026-09-01 20:47:37
